Here I am. New house rent paid for. Terrified and sad but relieved.
Terrified because i am leaping towards change. I have been so used to this life for 11 years. I’m back at square one with nothing. It terrifies me because i have more responsibilities now. My children is everything to me.
Sad because I dreamed something different. I thought i would have my own place and my family would still be intact. I wanted a family. I just wanted a stable and loving family.
Relieved because finally, i might find the peace of mind i have been looking for. More room for improvement and to plan a more stable step to the future. No more empty promises and manipulation. I am the one in charge now. It scares me and at the same time excites me.
For now, i’ll shed these tears and mourn my past dreams for the last time.
Look forward forward forward.
Start believing that I can because I do know that I can. I have to get her back. That confident me all those years ago. I know she’s still in me. I know.